I entered the blogosphere sevenish years ago. In the few months that I was actively blogging, I got many, many encouraging comments from you guys. I also won a giveaway and a beautiful vintage pattern. And then real life struck.
Before anyone starts seriously worrying: There were no dramatic, traumatic events; no sudden deaths; no complete upheavals. I did fail a few maths exams (my Papa's professor for mathematics though :/ ). But there were unresolved conflicts adding up - with my mother, with growing up multicultural, with the study programme's coordinator. Mostly with modern "feminism" and my femininity and belief in the scientific method. (I also had to stop dancing, and doing sports altogether seeing as I got injured. Nothing to put my mind of things).
It was not a good time.
I should have seen a psychologist.
But that's not something "strong, independent women" do. Nor do they point out the methodological faults in feminist (insults to) statistics. Or be scientists instead of "women in science". Or have male role models (We're incapable, did you know?). Or admire stereotypical females (You know, the ones who sew, and knit, and care about their families, and like pretty things). Especially the ones who blog about it.
So, yep, I stopped blogging. Without warning. And in dept of a giveaway. Sorry about that. Also, CGCouture never got to hear what happened to her pattern.
I'm also sorry if this sounds bitter. I'm not. Just ... healing. But English isn't my native tongue, and this blog post is already a bit more emotional labor than I'm comfortable with. So I'm typing as fast as I can, seeing where my thoughts take me, and you'll have to take my feelings as they come. Sorry.
I'd also stopped sewing, and journaling, and drawing, and wearing things (skirts) that made me feel happy; took a year longer to finish my degree.
But I recovered. Mostly following the example of my great-grandmothers who are some of the strongest women I know. And I mean real strength. The getting displaced in WW2, losing most of their families, and picking themselves up again kind. I took a bit of a break from uni, then started my masters at a smaller university (where I found myself an incredibly sweet, non-judgemental friend), took only the (all the) courses that were interesting, said yes to everything for a year, did an exchange semester to Russia (which was hilarious, and got me far away from things, gave me time to breathe). I'm in my last semester now, with a great thesis topic (programming a user interface to make maths pretty and understandable, and help save the environment to boot) that unites all of my passions: Maths, science, the environment, aesthetics. I got a pink, twirly skirt that's not the slightest bit "empowering", and makes me feel like I could lift mountains.
In short, I'm on the mend.
Right now I'm taking being me one day at a time. I'll start blogging again. Go back to sewing and growing flowers, doodle in my bullet journal. But it's slow going, and I've only got one great-grandmother left for real-life role-modeling.
The goal (specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable, and time-bound) is to slow-sew that give-away dress in time for my thesis defense in five months, and blog about it. I did have a wearable muslin, which was worn to death, and there is a pre-cut day dress based on that pattern. But my measurements have changed a bit so I might have to fit it all over again. I might also post on my mending-progress, just maybe on my other blog. While I will be blogging again, the post might be few, and far in-between; or come in clusters.
